7 Things I've Learned from the Storms
Life is funny (not always ha ha funny) the way it ebbs and flows or comes in both rolling waves or tsunamis. These are some of the things I’ve learned and still rely on daily. Of course, this is not a complete list but my top of mind. I would love to know yours.
You Can Pivot.
You can make serious changes in your life. I am not saying that you want to make the changes at the time, but I know that you most definitely can. You can change careers, you can move from your home to another house, and you can even change your city. You can pivot your way of thinking (which can be a positive force). You can pivot to create an entirely different circumstance. You can pivot to a new way of life, in a small way (that can have big impact) or in a big way (for an even different impact). You can do this. I made a pivot a few years ago that I would not have predicted. I had given up the practice of law years ago and, at the time, did not look back. However, things changed and I had to make a change. I had previously gained a solid community of fitness clients and a full schedule of teaching fitness classes. I knew this would not sustain my boys and me and that we would need more stability. I made a hard pivot from practically avoiding the practice of law, to diving back in. I have seen others make similar changes out of necessity, or just because life opened up with something new. It does not have to be a career or job pivot. It can be a mental shift to finally address some old thinking patterns, a lifestyle change, a hard pivot to change your health and wellbeing trajectory, There are things you can do at any time if you need to and it is never too late.
People Want to Help You.
Reaching out and asking for help is a hard first step for many of us, but should not be. People want to help and support. Friends want to do things to lighten your load, to show their love and do what they can. I’ve seen my friends show this in so many ways, from packing my china, my linens and clothes to help move houses, doing laundry, including bleaching my boys’ baseball pants, helping plan funerals (and yes, this is plural), sit with me in a lawyer’s offices, create networking opportunities, be my emergency contact at the doctor’s office and, most importantly, listen when that was what I needed. Just like you would be there for your friends, your friends want to be there for you. Let them.
You Can Do Excruciatingly Hard Things
Yes, you can do really hard things, and this is, likely, because there is no other choice. I have a very vivid memory of lying in the bed I was sharing with my sister-in-law, on the day that we would likely have to make the decision about my brother’s life support. As we opened our eyes to the morning, and realized what was before our family, she made the comment that she didn’t think she could do it. I remember saying, “You don’t have a choice.” While, looking back, that seems like a really harsh thing to say, it was the truth. And it still is. You can do things that you don’t think you can. You can do things that you cannot even imagine will come across your path. You can manage the crisis, absorb the bad news, take care of your children, parents, and your loved ones the very best way you know how. You can do those hard things, not because you want to and, definitely, not because they are easy. You can do hard things because you know what is important, and what matters. You can do hard things because, oftentimes, you don’t have a choice.
You Know Your Why
We use this term in coaching all the time. We tell clients to ‘know your why” to help them remember why they are trying to reach a goal. Well, in a hard season, it’s also important to remember the main thing and keep the main thing the main thing. If you have children, they will likely be the why behind the decisions you make and what you do in a hard season. Keeping your children and family as your why keeps you balanced and steady. When you know your Why, you can let the other inconveniences, decisions, and pettiness go. You know why you are still holding on and not giving up or giving in and that knowledge helps you weather the storm.
It is Temporary
Unfortunately, at some point, storms of life will touch us all, in some form or fashion. I often marvel that some people have more than their fair share, but we all will face something at some point. Let me tell you, it will be temporary. This is an important point to remember. There may be another hard spot on the horizon, but at some point, it too shall pass. There is no guarantee your storm will end in a way you were hoping and praying for. But you will be okay. You will survive and come out on the other side.
Hold on to Your Faith
I never want to come across here as “preachy” or more than I am, but I often say that I do not know how people go through some of life’s hardest moments without faith. And maybe they don’t actually. There are people who let events define themselves, who never let go, who remain stuck or bitter or never move on with life. Faith, and knowing there is more out there and an actual purpose in this life, is the only thing I know for sure that guided me through some of my hardest times and lead me to the other side of the loss, family addictions, grief, chaos and pain that were some of the storms in my own life.
These are six, very general gifts that I gained from my own personal hard times in life. Of course, there are others as well. And, even to this day, I am still learning. I am still realizing things, feeling new emotions, hashing out memories and figuring things out. New waves come and I find myself, again, working to stay afloat. The important thing is to do just that. Stay afloat. Ride it out with help, prayer, faith, your personal why, and a daily or hourly desire to move forward.
If you are going through your own storm, please know that I am sorry. But also know that I am giving you a hug full of support, empathy and confidence that you will also come out on the other side.
You may not need this list now, but I hope you will save it or pass it on to someone who may.
