Your Third Place

You have read the literature on the benefits of a Third Place, haven’t you? If this term is new to you, there was a New York Times article from May 5, 2025 and here is a TedTalk on how Third Places bolster communities.

I find this so intriguing. Of course, it brings visions of meeting at Cheers after work with Norm and Cliff, and makes those of us at this age want to meet up with our “Friends” at a local coffee shop.

After my father retired from dentistry, he created a habit of getting up in the mornings, getting dressed and heading off to meet his cronies for coffee at the hometown restaurant, Courson’s. When my boys were little they were allowed to tag along and Papa would treat them to a Coke from the vending machine. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my dad was engaging in a very healthy habit of connecting at the restaurant over coffee, catching up with friends, sharing stories and, in turn, had unintentionally developed a Third Place and a boost of longevity.

I was talking about the lack of a “Third Place” in my neighborhood lately and my own search for more connection and sense of being with a group of people.

A few of years ago, when my life took a big pivot, and I became a single parent, and then an empty nester, I really missed my past life of teaching fitness classes, leading small groups and personal training out of my home. I had put on my big girl panties and re-entered the world of practicing law, and in doing so, had to give up my teaching schedule and fitness clients. I found that one of the biggest reasons for missing my old life was the loss of connection I had with all of these people, seeing them all on a regular basis and sharing our lives and stories. I missed being with these class members and clients who had become a regular part of my life and who had become friends.

I was also feeling my empty nest, the post COVID changes and, to be honest, was lonely. One thing I did was join a great group of women to learn to play Bridge. I thought that would help fill this void for me, bring me more connection and could be a good place to be every Wednesday evening. Unfortunately, after sitting at a desk all day, meeting to sit for another 2 hours and pull my hair out while trying to learn this ridiculously complicated game, simply stole my joy. I’m ashamed to say I was a failure at Bridge and was still looking for connection. I still needed my own version of a Third Place.

During COVID, gyms like the local YMCA, where I had been going and teaching classes since my youngest was in the bucket, closed and during this time, I had given up teaching my classes. Finally, the world started opening up and the Y opened and classes began to resume. I eventually made my way back to group fitness and decided to try adding a weekly strength class to my schedule. I was a little nervous since I had not been in front of a class in a bit, and I was nervous about last minute obligations with my legal practice and the commitment.

Fast forward to now, and I can say it is one of the highlights of the week. I remember walking in the first day and being flooded with so much support and faces I had not seen in far too long. It is such joy for me each week to see these faces, reconnect with old friends and clients and share all of my “nerdy” health information and quirky stories, while we move, grow stronger and maybe, sweat or groan in the process.

I can honestly say that it is not always convenient to teach this class; sometimes I have to check work calls in the middle of doing a squat series, sometimes a work deadline makes it stressful and it’s definitely NOT for the money, BUT, I’ve come to realize that this weekly “date” feeds my soul and gives me the connection I’ve been looking for. In fact, on the days I’m not teaching, you can still find me at the Y doing my own workout, doing my leg day, maybe participating in a Pilates, Spin or Barre class, meeting for a Sauna date with a friend, and chatting with some of my “Y friends”.

I’ve come to the realization that I, too, do have a Third Place. My gym, my YMCA is my Third Place. It is easy, comfortable, and a good part of a good routine. In fact, when I am out of town I really miss my Saturday morning getting in a leg day workout at my Y.

All things considered, I think this is a pretty healthy Third Place. Where ever your Third Place is, there is something so good about seeing people you know, having a connection with others, being in a place that is comfortable and gets you out of your home and around others. Building and having relationships is one of the big markers for longevity.

You may have your own Third Place and not even realize it! I didn’t. I felt like I was missing out on something I needed, until I realized one of the reasons I was drawn to the Y, especially on days when I wasn’t motivated to work out, was not just for the exercise equipment, classes or sauna, it was to see people I knew. To be around familiar faces. I always left feeling better than I arrived, just from that one little boost. I think that’s the beauty of a Third Place.

Something to think about as you go about your week and gather at your own Third Places.

Happy Week!