I remember very distinctly the day my youngest son came to me while I was sitting at my desk working and asked me a surprising question. In fact, a question that, at the time, I had not even considered. With a very serious face he asked, “Mom, are you middle aged?”

You have to realize that, a the time, this little human was all of eight years old. (I’ve never understood where he even came up with that question and, least of all, the term middle aged!). And he is now twenty-three. . .

At the time, I did seriously consider his question, and had to admit, that yes, I was likely middle aged. That was 15 years ago and I was 43 at the time. You can do the math and know that, today, I am closer to sixty. Sigh. So, if 43 years old is middle aged, then what is now?

I have observed that everywhere I look and most things placed in front of me to read or view, contain the words Midlife, Second Half or Menopause. And I’m a bit tired of it. The algorithm has me perfectly pegged as I cannot open my phone without messages, posts and ads all covering these titles filling in my space.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that this season is, in many ways very freeing. However, in another way, I don’t want to be pigeonholed or identified as, or constantly reminded that I am of a certain age. And that my age matters.

For me, however, it can also be a confusing time. My second half has not gone as I had planned it (when I first discovered I was middle aged, at the ripe age of 43). I wound never have imagined losing both parents and my brother at that time. And I would never have imagined my husband’s struggles and losing him. I would never have imagined the change in my family and learning to begin again in this season of life. However, I know that there are many, many people who have had life upend them and have had their own second half become a new, unknown space. This was not the purpose of this writing anyway.

Embracing where we are and how we are is the purpose here. While I don’t particularly endear the term “midlife” I guess that’s it until there is a better term introduced. This morning one of my morning devotionals was by a pastor, Scott Sauls, whom I’ve grown to thoroughly enjoy and am so thankful a dear friend introduced me to his weekly newsletters. The title was Midlife as a Beginning, Not an End.

He shared many nuggets of this season and the hope and the wonderful opportunity to shift and experience gratitude for the present, the past and for what is to come. “Midlife, then does not have to be a slow and defeating descent into irrelevance. It is instead meant by God to be life-giving ascent into wisdom.” He quoted from Arthur Brooks book, Strength to Strength and The Second Mountain by David Brooks. I was recommended The Second Mountain about 5 years ago by a friend, and read Strength to Strength last year. They are both books that I can pick up for reminders and inspiration and I recommend them highly. He also quoted from Tim Keller’s Freedom in Self-Forgetfulness, another wonderful read. “The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings is not thinking more of myself or less of myself, but simply thinking o myself less.”

All this to say, this is a beautiful time in our lives. If we are healthy and strong and able to physically do what we want, if we have more freedom in time with children out of the nest, if we use our time, and healthy bodies, and gifts to experience and explore and continue to grow and learn, we will not be irrelevant. We are encouraged to be past the time of “striving” and “proving” ourselves. I’ll be honest, I still struggle with this one. I often think I still have to do more and be more and prove myself more. I can still wrestle with feeling unsettled. As always, I am a work in progress.

Bringing this back to my usual reference to our wellness and wellbeing, I think this is the most important time to put our health and physical wellbeing at the forefront. If you do not know, I practice law in the long term care and nursing home space. As I tell my fitness classes, we must do ALL we can to stay out of the nursing home. This matters. Your physical strength and mobility and your mental game matter. This midlife time is the time to focus on, not only the present, but your future.

While my “midlife” and “midlife journey” may not look like yours, or even the way I had expected, and I may theoretically be past “midlife” at this point, I sometimes need the reminder to simply be, to be grateful, to use my experiences and wisdom unselfishly and to continue to be there for my people. The striving in this season is for more peace, longevity and healthspan.

What about your own season? Where are you putting your focus, time and energy?

And can we come up with a better term for his season? Suggestions Please?